Friday, September 23, 2005

The Dating Game: Let's Meet The Contestants

Guess what? I'm talking about boys and dates again. Just doing my best to jinx my bum luck in that department. Because - suprise, surprise - I'm not complaining this time, y'all. Yeah, I realize anytime I give life to a guy – it never works out. This is sure to make them run for the hills. However, I just can’t shut up. I'm usually shy and a little introverted but that has kind of waned with age really. And when I feel comfortable with someone then I will blab all the live long day. So I must feel really comfortable with you. Of course I do, you are my friend.

So while I've got a hold of a few, let's share! They will be presented to you in the order they buzzed in.

Bachelor number one is Dr. Too Busy. Dr. Too Busy comes from Bethesda and works in the "Medical, Dental, Vetrinary" line of business. Dr. Too Busy does not elaborate on this. Secretly, me thinks he is a Dog Walker because he is busy at all hours of the day. But, for his sake, I hope he is a doctor and is "too busy" saving lives - that would be a good explanation for his excuses not to write. But he takes time to write to tell me that he is too busy to write. Let me give you an example. "Hi! You're cute. Thanks for winking back at me. I have bee sooo busy this week. Will write more later..." I take that to mean: I will write more later. So I waited and the next day, I got this message, "Hi! Sorry again. This has been a crazy week. Will write more later..."

Let's break right now for some of my self-imposed Rules for this game. (And no, I don't succumb to "rules" and "game-playing" in the dating field. AT ALL. My cards are always on the table. Look where it has got me. A thirty-something singleton with cat that - I'm convinced - will never die and will end up being pregnant at the mature cat age of 20 - then I will be saddled with kittens - which I hate - and all the kids on my block will call me the cuckoo Crazy Cat Lady who carries her flask to the mailbox. And I will wipe their ball when it lands in my yard because I put some special lawn fertilizer on it that I read about in Senior Weekly. And I will roll my knee-high stockings down because this August weather is hot! and have to wear orthopedics because I have no man to rub my feet at the end of the day. Then I will get a little doggy named, Fu, and will spend all my days trying to find him a bitch to mate so I can sell Fu puppies and the Town Drunk will bang on my door late at night for some lovin' and hell, I'll take it when I can get it. But he still won't rub my feet. But he will steal me bottles of Vodka from the bar he bartends.) SO I am trying things differently. It's my new passive-aggressive stance, remember.

1. They will make the first move to meet in person. I hate the long drawn-out email bit. Bore. In the past, I have always intitated the "let's meet" move. There is nothing wrong with intiating it at all. But I am just going to be easy, breezy and wait. Just trying it differently.

2. I will not write back a guy who writes a book which screams Canned Speech. Personalize the damn thing. And it doesn't take much to do that. If you are writing me there must be something in my profile that piqued your interest.

3. This kind of goes with rule 2, but show some creativity or personalization in your email. Something relative, something foreign, just go out on a limb.

4. Gentlemen, try to keep all your girlies separate. Remember our email string. Remember things I have told you. I have organized you guys into folders so as not to confuse you. Can you try something similar maybe? You might just suggest meeting to save yourself the confusion and give some context.

I realize you may be thinking? Silly girl, how the hell can you be so picky, darlin'? You who will be the first to whine that wah, he has not called me back. No second date, blah-di-blah. Because you know this is how it will play out.

"Um, because?"

So after Round One, Dr. Too Busy, is faltering. Maybe it is just a faulty buzzer. But he is the guys who appears to be trying but can't get the buzzer to work. The repetitive click is not connecting. I might throw him a bone. But he is breaking rule 3. Can he not pick one thing? Because what I am reading from this is he IS really super busy and, well, I have been there with Wedding Date Canceler Jerk Boy. Or he is just a tad boring or uncreative. Which won't work out with me in the long run either.

Bachelor number two is Little Drummer Boy. You guessed it, he drums but works by day in the IT field. Our emails aren't the scoping-each-other’s-background and what-do-you-do-for-a-living kind of thing. I don’t really care about that stuff at the moment. I need to see if there is an attraction first. So the witty email banter is good. We talk about the inane, the mundane. I like.

Little Drummer Boy is the guy who rings in every time but he is not phrasing his answers in question format. So he is kind of missing the beat. Translation: Ask me out already! We can talk about stupid shit. Let's move you along to Round 2. But, remember, I can't make that happen.

Bachelor number three is John Doe. For some reason, he piques my interest the most. We seem to have a lot in common. But I'm not going to elaborate on him just yet. He is John Doe because I don't know his name. And I am purposely not asking. I am going to see how long I can go without knowing it. Maybe even through the first date.

John Doe is in the lead by far. He buzzes in every time with the right answer. He got the bonus question when I got the 2 AM email from him after he had been out drinking with friends. I like that I was thought of at that moment. Yeah, I do. OK and there is a date set for Saturday. So, yeah, he is by far in the lead.

Finally, bachelor number four is Dark Vader. Dresses in black, very artsy. A painter and software designer. I like artistic guys, but the Crazy Artist thing doesn’t work for me. And he may be playing that up too much. Anyway, he may have dropped out already.

This isn't even including the 29 yr-old who has sent me two Canned Speech emails (i.e., the same email) about how I must be inundated with emails because I am "so pretty" and "can't we just be friends with benefits." If only. And the myriad 40-somethings that for some reason just creeps me out, especially when they are closer to my mom's age.

Contestant searches are still being conducted....


James said...

Hmmm. For starters I really like your rule set. They make very good sense.

Maybe Dr. Too Busy actually flunked out of med school and now moonlights as a part-time vet/ part-time doctor for the mob. You know the guy they always take the mobster to at 3am after getting shot in some random event and now need someone that won't report them to the police. I can see it now in 20 years the tv miniseries "Lara - Married to the mob (well to the mob's partime doc/vet)"


Morgan said...

I would rather watch that than Doc...

Isn't dating grand? I agree that after a certain point, just ask to meet in person already. You're the boy. Do it.