When There Is Fish

Me: Well, you know he is a Pisces.
Mom: I told you there is something weird about Pisces.
Me: They are fish, you know, they-
Mom: Are spineless?

I'm glad it didn't work out.

I would have been a country club wife living in some very rural Virginia town with nothing but a golf course and an ATV. I might have fallen off that ATV. I could have a broken leg.

We would have had a yappy little dog - who wouldn't be Tom Ford - but instead named after some newly-retired football player who wouldn't fetch your slippers and let you paint his toenails. He wouldn't sit at my feet. Instead he would stand with paws in the air on the command of "touchdown." I would tire of "touchdown Tiki" on a daily basis.

I would be alone a lot because who is going to visit me out in that town nobody has heard of - 40 miles outside of the city. He would mysteriously disappear on the weekends. He would still insist on keeping up pictures of the Redskin cheerleader and recite the story of "When I dated a Redskin Cheerleader" over and over when asked, "Who is that hot girl in all your pictures?"

We would have to board employees of his "management trainee program." We'd probably be audited by the IRS. I would get tired of paying for everything with cash and the places I frequent would not be able to cash my $100 bill.

I'd get tired of his humongous feet.

But boy am I glad I never have to hear him say, "sat-uh-dey" again.