I Could Be Working In A Rodeo Taunted By A Red Cape

Confession: I'm an astrology-geek. It just goes with my whole metaphysical, karmic, feng-shui fascination and my grounding in Yippie 101. The teachings are based in turquoise, Volvos, and Easy Spirits. I only received mildly passing grades on account of the Easy Spirits because they don't have anything in a stiletto so I am kind of a rebellious student like that. Or a failure. Perspective.

So I occasionally read my horoscope and when it says this: "Your people are there for you just when you need them most, and it will feel great just to know they're on your side. Make sure they know you'll support them when the time comes," I look at the ways this is true and it's right on, skeptics! My people are there for me. Because I have a friend who is my real estate agent. A friend who is my lender ("Mother Goose is giving me money.") And Mav who is my counsel. So I trust with this HUGE home purchase that these people are not screwing me. And believe me, when there are talks of money and interest rates, etc., I am dumbed down quite a few notches. I already know that I want to do something for each and everyone of them. So see? Horoscopes have some merit!

Alright. One can argue on the prognosticating element of astrology. I'll give you that platform but I may not agree with you. But one can not argue on the traits of the signs. Because I am a Taurus and it is a pretty spot on description of my personality. Stubborn? Check. Likes emotional and material excess? Check. Change freaks her out? Big check. But, of course, it is never to a tee and that is because of moons and suns and eclipses and birth times and pink hearts, yellow moons, green clovers, and blue diamonds.

For instance, I recently found this description of "me" in terms of a career:

Taurus is well suited to any career in which patience, consistency, and values are important... [Hmm...sounds pretty generic, if true.] ...Of all the signs of the Zodiac, Taurus is probably the most dependable and easygoing employee... [True.] ...They aren’t temperamentally suited to life in the fast lane, but you can count on them to get the job done. They tend to choose careers that pay well and have good job security... [Hell to the yeah!] One of the most determined signs, they are not overly ambitious... [Like I would never want to be the Librarian of Congress. Holy responsibility Batman.]

I chose a safe career. Librarian. I chose to work in corporate/law libraries. Financial security. And I run the whole show, like I have a national title. Does that make me ambitious? Not really because it is still pretty comfortable. I could probably push the glass ceiling a little more but I like the flexibility I have now. So from a general personality perspective, this is for the most part right on.

Then the article went on to suggest and describe jobs that "I" would be good at based on my resemblance to a bull, a la earth sign. This is what "the stars" came up with:

(And the stars are a little silly.)

Gardener/Groundskeeper:This is the sign with a classic green thumb and dirty hands. They would like nothing more than spending their days cultivating roses and pruning scrubs. Taurus can be found running greenhouses, working in garden centers and flower shops, and working for companies who supply plants for businesses. The lucky ones can work at an ostentatious estate, taking care of larger, more complex gardens and dreaming of being the owner.

Well this would be true if I liked to dig in the dirt. And I don't. If I had a yard, I would hire that out. Besides, I am so down on "the flower" right now for my own pity party reasons that have to do with the words none and ever. And furthermore and perhaps more importantly, I kill plants. Not on purpose. Except bamboo. My bamboo is alive and kicking. But most importantly why this career is not suitable for me? I don't really care to tend to somebody else's yard and have them reap the benefits. And this is a classic Taurus trait.

She's charging.

Landscape Designer:The Landscape Designer deals with plant material and other elements on a larger or more complex scale. This profession requires several years of education, a talent for design and architecture, and vision. Taurus has an innate sense of aesthetics, and a love of living things, which make them perfect for this career. Instead of creating a building like an architect, they are able to build a small part of the world instead.

Now we're talking! This might make better sense to me. I get to design AND have other people do the dirty work. And I must say I do have an "innate" sense of aesthetics. I think of everything in aesthetics. For example, I sit on a yearly tax advisory panel for a big legal publisher and just today at our meeting I informed them that they might want to change out these blue binders for a series of texts they publish. It's aesthetics and one might look at the flimsy 3-ring binder notebook as inferior to their competitor's leather-bound compression binder with embossed writing (instead of peel and stick letters). But there is a chevron design and I told them that was cool. (Give them a postive before the negative.) This is why they have me on the panel with the "old timers." My "fresh" perspective?

I'm all about aesthetics. I'll design your garden.

Perfume/Cosmetics Developer:Taurus loves the finer things in life. They have finely-tuned senses and are acutely aware of beauty and elegance. If they have training in chemistry, they can then work in the world of perfume and cosmetics. Finding just the right blend of light and airy floral, with an exotic musk, would engage them on a fascinating quest. Following the latest consumer research they will find the combination of scent that will make crowds flock to their product. They flagrantly disregard scent-free policies.

Holy heck yeah! I have a very acute sense of smell. Too much so sometimes. This mostly gets in the way on the metro when you can smell all peoples. And mostly that is not pleasant when you have the sweat, alcohol, and fried food smells co-mingling. I believe everyone should smell good, scent-free policies can kiss my ass. I could be a catalyst for a beautifully-scented world where we all smell pretty and all the men smell like Chanel Allure. But there is one problem. I SUCKED at chemistry or any science class for that matter. This might hurt me. But they could use me for my nose and I could have someone else do the dirty work (again). We could insure my nose for millions of dollars.

Call me the girl with the million dollar nose.

Model:Taureans are often very beautiful individuals and some might want to venture into modeling. Most Taurus natives love to eat, which may concern those who wish to model. However, they should not let their weight stop them because the Plus-Size Model market could be literally tailor-made for them. Since the population is growing in more ways than one, this field is probably opening up. The money is probably plus-size too.

Oh keep talking..."beautiful"....aahh shucks, thanks.....wait...I'm chubby? Well, I certainly do feel chubby these days. I don't even know how I still fit into my size 4 pants today. And then I read that I am made for plus-size modeling. In that case, see you at Five Guys. And double fry my order.

Hubba chubba to you.

Winery Owner:This venture would appeal to many sides of Taurus. First of all they would have to grow the grapes and harvest them. Then, they would have to make the wine over a number of years, taking the time to get things just right. They are very patient people and will insist on quality and a full-bodied taste. The best part of this business would be the continual quality control and tasting. Finally, they may want to open the winery to the public and entertain, enjoy a glass of the finest with guests.

Ding dong! We have a winner. Who was it that said "winos" were the classiest of alcoholics?

Security Guard:Security is very important to Taurus and this job would probably appeal to them. It would be even more of a bonus if they were on the night shift at a quiet location. They would probably opt for the postings that had the least likelihood of ever being robbed or disturbed. It would be an excellent chance to relax, watch TV, wear a uniform, and be of service. They need to be careful not to let the power go to their heads.

Wh-security guard?! Are you joking? I'm beginning to think "the stars" don't know me at all, after all. I still sleep with a night light. I hear sounds and see shadows in the dark. And why on earth would I ever wear a uniform? Dress like everybody else? And defend OTHER people? That I probably hate anyways. I'd just have to get power-hungry. "No badge, no access." That could be fun.

Yeah, I'm the security guard cowering in the corner securing nothing. Slide the paycheck very carefully to me. Don't make any sudden movements. Don't scare the security guard!

Surveyor:This career is interesting to Taurus because they get to work for the government, but outside in the fresh air. The location could be anywhere from a city lot to a country road. Some of their time is spent driving to and from locations and marking points on the terrain. This job is technical but will allow them to work close to nature. Unless the work is done near the freeway or downtown, most of the time they will be away from major distractions. And, if they take a thermos and a lunchbox, they won’t miss their scheduled breaks.

Let's get this straight. I do not eat out of a lunchbox. If so, I'd have a holster for that thermos.

Pastry Chef:Taurus is very comfortable in the kitchen and this career would appeal to their penchant for quality, fine foods, and, of course, their sweet tooth. Only the best ingredients and the richest creams and butters will suffice. The best part of this job, for a Taurus, is sampling the wares. They will take great pride in turning out a delicious and artfully arranged product. They love working with their hands by rolling out dough and decorating the wares.

You better believe I'd be good at this job. Would I ever. First order of business is stealing Publix's buttercream frosting recipe and then I'd eat the "work." I can only thank god I can have a career as a plus-size model.

I'm liking this career arc.

Park Ranger:In many ways this career is well suited to Taurus. The work is largely outdoors in a park setting. They are in charge of taking care of nature and are concerned with the welfare of the people and animals in its realm. The beauty of this role is that it is a government job with good pay and benefits and is steady work. Taurus, of course, looks very fine in a uniform and they will strut their stuff for all to see. Smokey the Bear has only good things to say about Taurus.

Apparently I have this big thing for the outdoors. I'll have to look into that as my usual contact with the outdoors only consists of the sun and a drink with an umbrella, a pinot grigio, or cerveza in hand. Never sticks, kindling, soup in a can, tents, bug spray, or hiking boots.

Smokey the Bear is my friend.

Loan Officer:The next best thing to working outside is having a desk job and handling financial transactions. A career in the banking industry would make a Taurus rather pleased. There is longevity, room to grow, and the chance to process lots of beautiful money. They get to work with people, solve their financial concerns and then find ways that they can buy more and more stuff. Meanwhile, they benefit from a good job with long-term prospects.

Not bad except I'm not really good with money. Like at all. I spend all that I have. I would not be a good candidate for "handling" money and solving anybody's financial concerns.

Where's librarian on this list? I think it suits me well. I have an almost obsessive relationship with order (there is a logical place for everything), a curious desire to find the arcane (and for that my stubbornness or steadfastness comes in handy), and a love of repetitive tasks (in a mentally therapeutic sense).

So ole!