Thursday, February 02, 2006

A Different Kind Of Bowling League

Gangs are cool. Well, not the Crypts and Bloods kind of gangs where Biggies and Tupacs are getting killed (and subsequently coming out with movies and videos STILL - conspiracy? I'm looking at you P Diddly Dink) and 50 is getting shot at 50 times and the 6th grade recruits are holding a gun in one hand and holding up their pants by the other. For those playing along at home - NOT cool. I am actually talking about a more innocent - harmless - type of gang. The kind you start with your friends based on one common denominator or such because you don't start the club and then make a common denominator.

For example, I was in a gang - or club - in high school. We were cooler than the Pink Ladies. It started with a uniform of the black bra. See, I was sitting around at a party (incidently at my house, hi mom) with my friends Katie and Marlene and one of the guys there pointed to us and said something like, "Y'all are so punk rock with your black bra straps showing." Apparently, we all just happened to have our black bras on and our shirts just happened to be falling down our shoulders and we were simultaneously advertising black bra straps. One guy thought it was hot. And so from that point forward we began to call ourselves the Good Girl Club. Our "secret" handshake was a yank of your shirt to reveal your black bra strap. Coo. And Katie even bought us these little ceramic dolls and painted a black bra strap on each girl's right shoulder. Our "good girl" symbol. Sigh. The Good Girl Club had a lot of good clean fun. I must subconsciously still yearn for those days because I occassionally will flash a black - or red! - bra strap. At work. It can't be helped. My thinking is that we are probably a really big club in actuality. I bet there are a lot of girls out there who can't keep the bra strap covered.

Now recently, Mav and I dubbed a new club that actually does not even count us as members. We needed a club to collect all the wrongdoers in relationships. It is equivalent to the Go-Stand-In-The-Corner Club for-you-have-been-a-bad-boy-so-you-have-been-tagged. Because shouldn't guys come with some kind of warning like: Contents are not really what they seem. Will lose shape. Contents may shift in transit. Or, It's all about me (when really, come on here, it is all about ME). They put a jail out on a island, can't we do the same for those who have "done us wrong"? So a "club" given a gimmick and that gimmick is.....bowling.

Before I get to the rules of the club, the card carrying (i.e., founding) members, and their uniform and props let me just say that bowling is used as metaphor. Because, uh, bowling is fun of course! Any night with pitchers of beer, funky shoes, and sticking your ass out for ogling, is frankly my kind of night. And when it is 80's night on the loudspeakers - even better. So I'm not dissing the "sport" per se. Seriously, Peter Pan was going to take me to "opening night" at the new groovy "alley" that opened up in Gallery Place. He got "special" tickets but then had to bail because, um, "work", of course. And then he bailed out of the relationship. So it seems. [Special note: Here is where I should point out - or warn you - because I am well aware of what is happening here - for the next month I will tie Peter Pan into every conversation, nostalgically. "Going to brush my teeth." "Peter Pan brushes his teeth!" "I just got my toes painted." "That's funny, Peter Pan has 10 toes!" "Where should we eat?" "Peter Pan and I ate dinner at a restaurant once....." Right? Haven't we all done this? Or is that just me? Well, strap yourself in.]

So how did bowling as metaphor come about, you may wonder?

Mav: I haven't heard from Steve-O, The Delicate Flower yet.
Me: Pshaw. He and Peter Pan should get together and go bowling.

And, no surprise there, Mav got it. I have tried to use it on people before and nobody ever got it. So we shared a laugh at the concept. I guess it is like saying they should both go to hell. In all honesty, the phrase might come from a movie and somebody might clear that up here. Breakfast Club perhaps? I don't remember, but Marlene - of the Good Girl Club fame - and I used to use that phrase in high school and we were always quoting Duckie from Pretty in Pink ALL THE TIME. I only watched that movie 100 times. "I'm off like a dirty shirt." "Do I offend?" "I'm not going to ride my bike by your house anymore!" (I could actually use that one, sad to say.)

But Mav and I are taking the phrase a step further and modeling a little make believe world for the losers who have crossed our path. It's innocent - because I'd like to do the voodoo because I believe in black magic, you know, stick a pin in his heart - but instead we are sending them to....the bowling alley. In case you are wondering, "God, you girls have NOTHING better to do than concoct these make believe clubs for losers who don't even deserve your time of worrying. And mentally visualizing props and uniforms? Geesh." Well, you might be right. For me, at least. Mav is powerful - she sits in depositions and "objects" every 15 minutes - just to stay in the game, on her toes...awake. So she might be "bored" too in actuality. But really I am just blowing a half hour long email exchange into a STORY. So, yes, THIS keeps me busy. Hey, I'm not the bowler....

Mav: Any word?
Me: Nope. Hilarious. Bowler!
Mav: Yes, he should quit his job and go on the professional circuit.
Me: When are you seeing Steve-O, The Delicate Flower, The Delicate Flower, Steve-O?
Mav: I suggested sat but he hasn't gotten back to me yet.
Me: He might have a bowling tournament. Don't be surprised.
Mav: True. I didn't even think of that. I just hate bowling.
Me: Greengenes is bowling at Ballroom this Saturday night...I wonder if Peter Pan is going....
Mav: I wonder if he will bring the ugly girl who carries his ball.
Me: He's got a hot pink ball.
Mav: I'm sure his initials are carved in it as well. "PP" in italics of course.
Me: And he keeps throwing gutter balls.
Mav: Wearing a pink satin jacket with the words "I bust mine to break yours"

Thus, a league was born! If you would like to nominate someone, send your request to The first 10 people will get a pink satin jacket with their initials, of course.

1 comment:

amyd said...

I like it! Gutter balls, bowling shoes- all the analogies! Maybe that's why the idiots -SPLIT. I propose that this bowling league should have their own bowling shirts-The PinHeads! (in putrid green with neon orange lettering.)