Monday, February 27, 2006

People To Hate: Arctic Chill Spreaders In The Office

This post is brought to you by the ice cube - it's not just for cooling your lemonade - that is, when you live your life AS an ice cube, essentially.

Admittedly, I get cold very easily. I keep a blanket on my couch because the sedentary life I come to know circa 7:30 pm, promises that I will get a little chilly. I also sleep with socks on most of the time - because the extremeties - not covered by my nighties - get cold. And shivering is not conducive to a blissful night of sleeping. People think the scarves I wear in the winter months are for fashion's sake - well, that is only partly right. Actually the scarves do serve the purpose of warming me from head to toe - by way of the neck.

Thus, it's a cold life I lead.

I wish I could "Linus my life around" and carry my couch blanket with me everywhere because I was on to something when I was 3 to probably around 5. I actually did carry a blanket with me wherever I went. Until the one day it was "lost." I still believe that an elaborate plan was hatched to confiscate the blanket in order to spare me the teasing by the other children in the first grade. Otherwise, I promise I would have never stopped carrying that thing around.

It is not that I mind the cold. Because I don't mind the chill when there is something I can do about it. Whether it be to wrap the blanket around, put a few extra layers on, or turn the heat on.

Heat! The socially-acceptable alternative to blanket-carrying. So, in order to maintain some semblance of professionalism in the office, I forego the "office blanket" and opt for the individual wall unit located right outside my office door to keep me all warm and toasty. Except! There is a mystery afoot. Because some little arctic chill spreader is going behind my back and switching my wall unit to cold air!

Do I have to remind you that it is February in DC. It does actually get its own brand of cold and, well, especially when the central a/c in the office is essentially on 365 days of the year. Y'all, the air conditioning is on in the winter! The cold draft in my office is most certainly NOT the drinking kind. "Bartender, I'll have a cold draft - and make it 32 ounces." No, it's the kind that makes you run for the blanket. (Oh, to be three again.)

So everyday I turn the wall unit to "hot" that - remember - is right outside my office and only affects, well, me and my next door office neighbor - who is never here but also feels the chill down to her core the way I do. We agree on the heating implement being necessary. On top of all this, I even supplement the heating unit with a pashmina - probably professional society's answer to blanket-carrying.

YET, everyday somebody is going behind me and turning the dial over to "cool" air.

Who is doing this?
When are they doing this?
Why are they doing this?

A mystery of Angela Lansbury proportion!


Mav said...

That person deserves to be shot. Now you know why I want to move to Florida...I would rather be sweating than freezing.

amyd said...

One of my co-workers carries around a blankie.

James said...

what about playing some revenge on them and coating the button in vaseline or acid? if you knew the time of day the virtual blanket was tampered with you could try some super glue or epoxy and whomever was stuck to the wall when you got to work would be the culprit.


Virginia Belle said...

i totally sympathize. i am always cold. sometimes my feet get so cold i'm surprised they don't need to be amputated. i have a sweater in my desk drawer just for work purposes. excellent idea w/pashmina.

the weather is a big part of why i don't live any farther north! once it gets below 75 degrees, i'm not happy!

my blankie also went missing. to this day, my mom has no idea what happened to it. she told me leprechauns took it. for years, i believed her. (she's irish, so she blames all mysteries, pranks and missing objects on The Little People.)