I am uber-sensitive. Especially in my relationships. That is why I like a guy who takes the lead and takes me along for the ride. I can grab hold of coat tails with a mean grip. If you are nice, hot, and funny enough I will probably fall for you. What I can't be is the Head. I'm a Behind kind of girl. When I have to call even a few shots, I question whether he "is just that into me." It is a big deal - or rather, it takes a lot for me to ask a guy to "go with me..."
....like, to dinner.
Because when it happens - my showing some initiative and plunging into "I'm the girl with a plan" mode - and then he agrees. Well, then I get confident! I ask again! And he goes again! Then I take that "yes" ball and run with it tucked under my arm. I never expect the yes ball to deflate. To flat NO. It's then when I feel chubby, gross, and fugly. Because the minute he does turn one of my invitations down, I take it personally.
"He's just not that into me" is what it always boils down to in my book because why would he ever have something more important to do than see me? And what I am is just disappointed.
So in the interest of weepy Senstive Me, I will look into everything for the "he's not into you, ya dumb bitch" result that inevitably will come up. Recently, this is what has me stirring:
When we are having a conversation about architectural styles and I say I prefer older over contemporary and then give one of my dorky references: "I'm more Flintstone than Jetson, ya'know?" And he responds, "I know you are doll." I look into that.
When I ask him to go see a band he loves and has seen with me before but he turns me down because he has to clean his apartment because his mom is coming in town the next day? I look into that.
When he says he is going to look into housing for jazz fest for me and my friend at his own provocation and then never follows through with it. I look into that.
When he invites me over on Saturday night for dinner and a personal concert and I have to decline because I have a previous engagement but invite him to come along and he turns that down? I look into that.
When I text him because I am in his neighborhood - actually in his building - and he calls me four hours later because he was at happy hour in the neighborhood when I texted - yet didn't invite me over when he received the message? I look into that.
Sure he's there. He sends me "good morning" messages. He serenades me. He vents about his frustrations to me. He talks to me on a daily basis. He meets me for lunch. He has me help him shop for clothes. We go out one night a week. He waits until 8 on Friday night to see what I am doing (no, I don't answer unless I'm on a bad date). He makes me laugh.
Yet he never asks me out, takes me out, or winds me up for that matter.
And then it hit me: Duh, we are friends. Harry and Sally kind of friends. He is just not that into me LIKE THAT.
OK, I'll be sure to remember this next time he kisses me and pats my lovely behind.
5 comments:
...and this is why i play hard to get. for the first month or so. THEN i start playing a larger role.
he is treating you like crap because you are LETTING him. don't have contact with him unless it is ahead of schedule and he is asking you out on a date. ask him if it is a date. STOP settling for the crumbs of affection he is throwing your way. sheesh! you are worth more than crumbs, girl!
disappear on his ass. when he asks what's going on, tell him you want to be dating him. if he hesitates, forget him. you are worth a man's entire attention. if you don't value yourself and your time, neither will he.
sorry if that was too harsh. it's just that i've been there. and it's painful and it sucks. so i try to prevent people from having that same pain. you need to think more all-or-nothing with him. play hard ball, so to speak. don't you have better things to do than to second-guess his behavior and analyze it to death?
ok, i'll shut up now.
Oh Beaker...Friends or more...he's a nice guy.
yeah, he is a lovely guy and he is not treating me like crap in all honesty. I need to point that out. And friends that have met him and know our situation will surely point that out. I also should probably point out that I am exaggerating moreso than really analyzing the paramaters of our relationship. Like, I didn't really analyze our conversation on architectural styles.
Right now I like his company yet I want to date others. We are more friends than anything else right now and I want to keep it at that. But obviously this post tells even me that perhaps I am developing feelings for him. I'll admit that. But isn't that how relationships should come about? friends first? for me, I'd like to try it that way. So if things start to become hot and heavy then I will deal with that when the time comes. I will blog about it! The we-should-be-dating-big-boy convo!
This whole post came about because he couldn't accompany me to one thing because, um, his mom was coming in town. And I was PMSing and when those two things come together I huff a little in an absurd way because I tend to think some things are all about me. That time of the month it always is, ya'know?
And I will point out for myself, that it is interesting that I am only talking about this one boy on my blog. There are others yet they aren't getting mention (unless they are Very Bad Date). This tells me that perhaps he is growing on me and I am exploring that in my writing. So, I promise, when I feel I need more from him, I will communicate it with him. A lesson I have learned.
oh. that makes much more sense now.
can i retract my comment? i was misinformed! :)
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