I am uber-sensitive. Especially in my relationships. That is why I like a guy who takes the lead and takes me along for the ride. I can grab hold of coat tails with a mean grip. If you are nice, hot, and funny enough I will probably fall for you. What I can't be is the Head. I'm a Behind kind of girl. When I have to call even a few shots, I question whether he "is just that into me." It is a big deal - or rather, it takes a lot for me to ask a guy to "go with me..."
....like, to dinner.
Because when it happens - my showing some initiative and plunging into "I'm the girl with a plan" mode - and then he agrees. Well, then I get confident! I ask again! And he goes again! Then I take that "yes" ball and run with it tucked under my arm. I never expect the yes ball to deflate. To flat NO. It's then when I feel chubby, gross, and fugly. Because the minute he does turn one of my invitations down, I take it personally.
"He's just not that into me" is what it always boils down to in my book because why would he ever have something more important to do than see me? And what I am is just disappointed.
So in the interest of weepy Senstive Me, I will look into everything for the "he's not into you, ya dumb bitch" result that inevitably will come up. Recently, this is what has me stirring:
When we are having a conversation about architectural styles and I say I prefer older over contemporary and then give one of my dorky references: "I'm more Flintstone than Jetson, ya'know?" And he responds, "I know you are doll." I look into that.
When I ask him to go see a band he loves and has seen with me before but he turns me down because he has to clean his apartment because his mom is coming in town the next day? I look into that.
When he says he is going to look into housing for jazz fest for me and my friend at his own provocation and then never follows through with it. I look into that.
When he invites me over on Saturday night for dinner and a personal concert and I have to decline because I have a previous engagement but invite him to come along and he turns that down? I look into that.
When I text him because I am in his neighborhood - actually in his building - and he calls me four hours later because he was at happy hour in the neighborhood when I texted - yet didn't invite me over when he received the message? I look into that.
Sure he's there. He sends me "good morning" messages. He serenades me. He vents about his frustrations to me. He talks to me on a daily basis. He meets me for lunch. He has me help him shop for clothes. We go out one night a week. He waits until 8 on Friday night to see what I am doing (no, I don't answer unless I'm on a bad date). He makes me laugh.
Yet he never asks me out, takes me out, or winds me up for that matter.
And then it hit me: Duh, we are friends. Harry and Sally kind of friends. He is just not that into me LIKE THAT.
OK, I'll be sure to remember this next time he kisses me and pats my lovely behind.