The (Mis)Adventures Of A Jilted And Heartbroken Girl

So it was the first weekend apart that he requested - or did he request a weekend apart? I actually think a more accurate take on it is Setting The Wheels In Motion To Breakup. (Did I say this is truly from left field?) He definitely said, "Stay away. Busy. Don't have time for you." And I obliged...but I thought I would get a check-in phone call atleast once over the weekend. It dictated my whole weekend. It might bring out a little bit of crazy.

Friday night was simple enough. I made a little dinner of salt & pepper krinkle cut french fries and a couple glasses of wine. And chatted on the phone all night with girlfriends analyzing every moment Boyfriend (herinafter known as Peter Pan) and I have spent together. At the end of the night, I saw no signs of pulling away or disinterest on his part (prior to the 1.5.2006 email). So I decided to let it go. Let him have his space.

Then I was awoken rather early on Saturday morning to the sounds of the couple next door getting it on and cooing in moments of pleasure. I wanted none of that. I thought about "reporting" them to the front desk. But it would only come out like this: "Hi Front Desk. Yes this is Girl Who Is On Verge Of Getting Dumped By What She Thought Was A Wonderful Boy And Who Was Doing Everything Right and I'd like to report Too Much Good Time going on next door." So I just moved my slumber to the living room where I don't share a wall with the Lovemakers.

Then Saturday night came and Mav showed up at around 8:00 pm. The night started off innocently enough and just like it always does. "Hi Mav!" "Hi Boa!" and then we laugh. Because that is what we do. I was really, really happy to see my friend. And then I came up with the fabulous idea. It was so fun when I did it high school I thought this could be so much fun again now that I am 30ish.

This is when Driveby #1 happened. (Unless you count the one I did earlier in the day on my way to Target.) (Also, let me just say that he lives right off a major road that really is on the way to Target so all you have to do is cock your head to the right and look up the road to see if car is out front. It was.) But let's go back to the real Planned Driveby #1. The bar we were going to just happened to be right around the corner from his house. We both live in a fairly urban area and less than a mile from each other. So the driveby consisted of going up the busy street. Car was there. Then Mav says, "Let's drive DOWN the street." Me: "Um...Oooo-kayyyy." I was reluctant. So I threw that seat belt off and crammed my 5'7 self down onto the floorboard of her car. I just folded myself right down the middle like a seam and tucked my arms and legs in. Mav thought I only need to lean over. But I disagree. He KNOWS my back. I thought he like it. Anyway, the driveby confirmed: Lights On, Clearly At Home.

At bar, we get pounced on - let me correct that, Mav gets pounced on by two or so guys. One 50 year old and one big Meathead. Mav got her first set of digits for the night. Something about flooring installation. So after some food and a couple drinks it is time to move the party and try out the new bar. But not before we do Driveby #2. It is about 9:15 and this time the driveby revealed: Not Home. Which ended up turning into Driveby #3 because I know where he parks when he goes out, either in Clarendon or when he takes the metro to go downtown. Driveby #3 revealed: A Car! He was out! And I just sink a little deeper into sadness.

We stick to our plan and go into Bar #2. Wherin Mav gets her second set of digits for the night. This guy was actually kind of cute and seemingly nice. Because he complimented me. Which guys when you are hitting on a girl, DO NOT dis the friend. You get on good terms with Friend and Friend will talk you up. He said that Peter Pan would be crazy to ever let me go (or somethng like that). I want Mav to go out with him.

But we finish our one drink there because it is time to go downtown now. But not before we do Driveby #4. Driveby #4 revealed: Car still there. He is still out. So we hit a few more bars downtown before we end up at Coyote Ugly. Yes, Coyote Ugly. I had never been there before but it didn't surprise. It was everything I expected it to be. About a hundred or so guys screaming and ogling, while all the girls in their big boob glory pumped and grinded on the bar for the Male Viewing pleasure.

"Uggghh. Mav, let's go upstairs. This is disgusting."

So we found a place a the bar to saddle up to and the guys were flocking to Mav like bees to honey. Maybe I had a sour puss but nobody was paying me attention. Mav was busy talking. I was busy drinking. Because there was nothing else to do. And my mind was spinning with all kinds of hurt and disappointment and anger. Finally, Mav decided she liked Blue Eyed Smoker and so we hung out with him and his friend for the remainder of the night/early morning. He knew about the Pay Attention to Friend too rule. He was nice. After some drinks, we decided to call it a night.

But not before Mav and I danced on the bar downstairs. ON the bar. My feminist principles said, "I am woman. SEE me roar." Guys hooting and hollering in a drunken state of Female Ogling NOW sounded like a GREAT IDEA. It is actually a funny story and I just don't have the heart to spin it that way right now.

And so I get a ride home from Friend of Blue Eyed Smoker. I kept insisting on taking a cab. This is a stranger who doesn't even live here but is here on a short-term contract up in Maryland. So now he has to take me over the bridge to Virginia. He insisted. All the while he drove me home he kept saying, "You are a city girl. You are a city girl." Whatever that means. But I was already planning Driveby #5. I thought about making him part of it. He doesn't know where he is, I could just take him to my house by way of his house. But I think better of that. He drops me off and I proceed down to my garage to do my own little Driveby #5. Driveby #5 revealed: Home again! It was 3 AM. So he didn't go out drinking because he would have just left his car there overnight and cabbed directly to his house.

So I carried my sorry ass home.

Mav calls me up and we go to breakfast in the morning but not before we recounted the happenings of the night before. The jist of which is Drivebys and Dancing on Bars. We concluded that we were back in beach mode. Or the Mav and Boa, 2006 edition.

I love my girlfriends and Mav is one of the best. I present to you Mav.

Edited to add: We have contact. All is well. He is not breaking up with me.